Sam and Frodo lay on the burning slopes of Mount Doom, waiting to die. Fade to black. Audience starts getting ready to rise. Scene returns, with Gandalf and the eagles coming to rescue them. Fade. Frodo awakens to find Gandalf at the foot of his bed. Merry and Pippen come in, share hugs, roll on the bed. Gimli comes in and is glad to see Frodo awake. Legolas and Aragorn walk in with tight smiles. Sam walks in wearing hospital gown and the two share a knowing glance. Fade. Aerial shot of Minas Tirith, where the coronation of Aragorn as King is taking place. Arwen reappears, she and Aragorn kiss passionately. Tribute is paid to the Hobbits. Fly away to map, then Hobbits return to the Shire, go to the pub, have drinks, Sam sees Rosie, cut to wedding scene, then Frodo walking the corridors of Bag-End. Gandalf shows up in Hobbiton driving a caravan, carrying Bilbo. He and Frodo are going off to the Gray Havens. Sam, Merry and Pippen cry. Ship sails into sunset. Fade. Sam is walking back to Bag-End, kisses Rosie and kids, walks into house. Fade. Credits roll. FINALLY. After 30-freaking minutes, it is time to go pee. Oh, wait. The credits are showing illustrations of the characters. Now we can match real names to faces. Crap! Yes, its nice to have all of the loose ends wrapped up. But fades to black are a universal indicator that the film is about to end. Its not fair to fool us like that, especially those of us who made the mistake of buying the super-jumbo cup of soda at the concession stand and now need dialysis to clear it.
