1. Stacee Jaxx - Rock of Ages
With Rock of Ages, it was fair to think something in the breed of Mamma Mia would be gracing the screen. Something that becomes an easy to watch "guilty pleasure" that could be indulged in and keep you entertained for a couple of hours. Oh it was anything but. First off, the music, 1980's pop rock is certainly not Abba. The songs were dreadfully originally and somehow they're now worse. I genuinely didn't think somebody could do a Journey song worse than Journey, but there you go. Now to Cruise's performance as legendary rockstar, the atrociously named, Stacee Jaxx. Cruise essentially tries to rip on himself the same way he does in Magnolia. Only Magnolia is a masterpiece directed by one of the finest talents in cinema and Rock of Ages belongs in a bargain bin at the supermarket. Cruise's character is supposed to be satirical and funny. It's neither. Cruise, to his credit, goes all out for it, but what we get is a cringe-inducing embarrassment. He can't sing a note, he's too gratuitous and over the top, and it just doesn't work at all. Most critics have noted that Cruise's performance is the best thing about it, that may be true, but in a movie this awful that's like saying Journey are better than Bon Jovi. It's a disaster for all involved and Tom Cruise, as previously explained, is so much better than nonsense like this. Just thank God it bombed at the box office so we don't have to endure a sequel.