7 Video Game Romance Choices THAT KILL YOU

Romance Is Dead. And So Are You.

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wiki

Ahhhh can you smell it? The scent of corporate greed and exploitation of relationships for cold hard cash that kind of smells like what you'd imagine Limburger from Biker Mice From Mars would reek of? Why 'Tis the season of romance my friends as yes once more Valentines Day is upon us!

The one day a year that love is MANDATORY and so what better time than now than to dole out some sweetness of my own with a list revolving around romance options in video games. But wait, friend, before you switch off thinking that this is going to be a mushy and in places gushy affair, then fret not as this isn't a video focused on video games that make you feel even more painfully alone, but dalliances with digital dicks that lead to your death!

That's right these are romance options that will leave you a stiff of a very different nature so let's take a look at the times that Video Game romance wasn't dead but you sure as hell were.

7. Cubivore: Survival Of The Fittest - DEATH BY MATING

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Nintendo

If you've never played Cubivore: Survival Of The Fittest then boy howdy are you in for a treat today, because this title is truly one of a kind. As a weird living block of flesh, your job is to take down the despot ruler of the land who has not only caused the decline of blocky biodiversity in the area but has also started destroying the world itself!

Pretty serious right? So how are we going to topple this tyrant? Well by ripping him limb from limb of course! But to do that efficiently we're going to need to get down to business and by business I mean MATING. Cubivore operates on a gameplay loop of your created creature finding mates using a "love tunnel" and then boffing all of them in one go before selecting an offspring that shares some of their unique abilities, combining them with your own.

As you mutate more and more, you develop new skills and powers, making you stronger and stronger! However, before you begin unzipping your pixellated pants, know this, for every mutation the old generation dies, meaning that you have the rather horrible image of emerging from the tunnel as a brand new beast, but seeing your dead dad outside.

Ah pops you died how you lived, irresponsibly shagging any creature that moved.

 
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Jules Gill hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.