8. Lou Bega - "Mambo No. 5"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EK_LN3XEcnw We should be glad we didn't have to endure the rough drafts of this songwriting process. Nobody wants to hear Mambos 1 through 4. Nobody. This could very well be one of the most callously irritating songs of all time. It's like someone designed this in a lab with the express intent of causing a worldwide suicide epidemic by utilizing the worst tropes that 90s music had already delivered. And then they put a f*cking fedora on top of it. "Mambo No. 5" isn't a song, so much as it is a collection of ladies names sung overtop a pastiche of the sounds you hear right before a truck runs over your head. (Seriously, listen to those horns and tell me I'm wrong.) So why is it that I can't quit you, Lou Bega?? What sort of black magic is hiding beneath that tiny little mustache of yours that keeps me from being able to turn this song off once it's started rolling? Is it the trumpets? It's the trumpets, isn't it? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUT THE TRUMPETS IN THERE, LOU??