10 Bands That Really Need To Call It A Day

9. Bon Jovi

The masters of overblown pop-rock, Bon Jovi have been churning out blue collar anthems for thirty years in a never-ending cycle of gigantic stadium shows that gross enough to largely diminish the severity of the global poverty crisis. New Jersey native Jon Bon and his denim-clad bandmates present no shame in playing "Livin' On A Prayer" on a nightly basis to tens of thousands of middle-aged mothers who assemble on an annual basis to witness the once poodle-haired arena rockers reel off the classics for the millionth time. New records are released in uniform succession, their songs constituting the live filler placed as a formality between the hits. The well-oiled and impeccably slick live show specialises in the overwrought. It's chock full of generic rockstar poses, the playing of extended solos with eyes closed and plenty of biting lower lips in an intense demonstration of feeling, despite Richie Sambora reeling off his solos from muscle memory alone. But with the Rolling Stones still stubbornly touring, despite their onstage presence as rickety geriatrics, Bon Jovi will unfortunately be rather content in belting out "You Give Love A Bad Name" another few thousands times.
Contributor
Contributor

Aspiring music journalist and cultural commentator. Connoisseur of all things noisy and weird as well as anything David Lynch has ever touched.