If you spent allowance money on action figures in the eighties, you're either throwing the horns right now or squirming in your seat. Sit tight, though, as the rest of the world needs an explanation. By 1986, the Transformers were at the peak of their popularity, much of it spurred by a weekday afternoon cartoon series. The toys themselves were fun, if more expensive than G. I. Joe or Masters of the Universe. There would be no better time for a Transformers movie, and no better time for unsuspecting kids to witness the massacre of their favorite robot heroes. Transformers: The Movie is best-known for the death of Autobot leader Optimus Prime, but a far more vicious act occurs a few minutes earlier. The Decepticons invade an Autobot ship. Megatron screams, "Die, Autobots!" for the millionth time, but apparently this time he means it. Autobots really die in this scene. Lots of them. If your favorite characters were Prowl, Ratchet, or Ironhide, you had no tears left to shed for Prime. You may have even been less of a Transformers fan on the way out of the theater, less likely to buy into the new, Coy and Vance direction of the series. Despite Hasbro's bait and switch, NRG's "Instruments of Destruction," a rocker in the vein of Twisted Sister or Quiet Riot, is still remembered fondly by metal nerds for its connection to this scene. If boys' action figures did one thing well, it was the glamorization of war. Every kid who blew up a G. I. Joe with a Black Cat considers this moment to be the high point of the picture. Anything else is such heroic nonsense. Step aside, Lion and Spectre General. The most rockin' song on the Transformers soundtrack belongs to a band with a name even goofier than yours.
Check out "The Champ" by my alter ego, Greg Forrest, in Heater #12, at http://fictionmagazines.com.
I used to do a mean Glenn Danzig impression. Now I just hang around and co-host The Workprint podcast at http://southboundcinema.com/.
