10 Times Metallica Attempted Career Suicide

10. Lulu

Long before it was ever even released, we were pretty certain the Lulu album would suck. Even those only casually familiar with Lou Reed and Metallica knew the two go together like peanut butter and anti-freeze. There was absolutely nothing to suggest their individual styles were even remotely compatible. And indeed, Lulu is a strong candidate for the worst record ever released by a major artist, let-alone two. Little more than Reed€™s quasi-racist, spoken-word beat poetry spouted over Metallica's monotonous riffs, it sounds like the music and words were randomly slapped together without regard to melody or synchronicity. And the whole thing is 87 minutes long - the sheer awfulness of this two-disc train wreck may even prompt you to assume it's a joke at the listener's expense. Sadly, this was Reed's swan song (RIP), and his six fans left at the time likely came to the same conclusion: €œWell, that€™s Lou Reed for ya.€ After all, Reed also subjected them to the equally-unlistenable Metal Machine Music decades earlier. But for metal fans hoping Metallica would follow-up Death Magnetic (their heaviest album in 20 years) with something similar, Lulu was a slap in the face. But as awful as it is, Lulu only ranks number 10 on the list because, technically, it isn't an official Metallica album. Like the sh*tty experimental records John Lennon recorded with Yoko Ono, this was nothing more than an exercise in self-indulgence, and Metallica emerged pretty-much unscathed.
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D.M. Anderson works and lives in Portland Oregon. He is the author of two young adult novels (Killer Cows & Shaken) and a collection of dark tales (With the Wicked). He has also published several short stories which have appeared (or will appear) in various anthologies and magazines such as 69 Flavors of Paranoia, Night Terrors, Trembles, Encounters, Implosion, Strange Fucking Stories, Perpetual Motion Machine. He documents his adventures in the dark on on his movie site, Free Kittens Movie Guide