10 Stupid Things to Do Before You Die

10. Go Sledding Without a Sled

With winter rearing its frosty head above the horizon, this would seem an excellent place to start our idiotic endeavour. The first thing to do would be, I hope, obvious: wait until there€™s snow. You could try it before but the stupidity will lack the magic inherent in the white wonderdust and, if there€™s no magic, well ... it€™s just stupid, really! Preferably, there€™ll be a small group of you. Eight being around the maximum and you should think €˜Mario Kart€™. There€™s a reason why some strange anomalies pick up the Wii controller and voluntarily choose the likes of Bowser or Daisy as their champion. Each to their own and this should be the motto for €˜Sledding without a Sled€™. The beauty of €˜SWAS€™ is that you€™re not limited by convention. You€™re free to liberate your imagination and think what vessel you€™d like to plummet on. Yet there€™s more to think about than meets the eye. Speed, comfort and durability are your main concerns. You want to win but not at the cost of your coccyx and you don€™t want the thing to disintegrate mid-course, leaving you to cross the line in a frozen death-roll. Whatever your competitive aspirations, however, be sure to invest in the longest piece of tarpaulin/equivalent hardy material you can find. Invest as a group, make sure you can all get on and commit ... trees and all!
 
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A. J. S. Scott was created as a homunculus by a mad English Alchemist who was trying to make rum from ink and seawater. He is still a fan of both and he has no comment on what happened to all the ‘No Exit’ signs in Islington Underground Station when he visited for Beltaine. You can send him missives by bribing the Right Raven with sour-strings, or: Instagram: @ajsscott Tumblr: andrew-scott-things.tumblr.com