10 Things Not To Do On The Underground

9. Don€™t Put Your Head Out The Window

It may seem obvious, but there is not too much space to spare around the underground trains as they hurtle through the spaghetti mess of tunnels under the streets of the capital. However, occasionally someone does decide to open a window between the carriages for a little air during the warmer journeys. As with any open window scenario, this will lead some to ask the question that should never be asked: €œCan I put my head out there and waggle my tongue like a dog in a car?€ Unlike the automobile loving canine, rather than feel the wind in your hair and a rush around the chops, it is much more likely you will feel a snap of the neck as your head is rendered from your body and is lost in the never-ending darkness of the tunnels to be fed on by giant mutant rats, which everyone knows live there awaiting their time to rise and take over the city. Don€™t help them by feeding them with your head or other dismembered body parts.
 
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Anthony Lund is a writer and puppet maker from Durham. He is the author of the Dickens parody, A Christmas Carol Retold, and also works as a Showbiz & Music news writer. His new novel, Grim Reaping, is out at the end of October. More information can be found at his website,