10 Things Only First Time Fathers Understand

6. You're Not Allowed To Say You're Tired. Ever.

Baby Old Man
Universal Pictures

At least not to anyone but your mates when you're down the pub, bug-eyed and wired, bubbling into your pint and moaning at them as if you’ve just been on a 24 hour crystal meth binge.

The only person who gets to say they’re knackered is your missus. Doesn't matter if you've only had 2 hours sleep. She's had far less, she’s had a tiny human being screaming and gnawing at her chest for most of the night and if you whinge about being sleepy she has a free pass to hoof you square in the knackers.

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Chris James Peet says hello. His interests include hoping for the best and sitting in chairs. He much prefers moaning to counting his blessings and suffers fools gladly. He also likes to look out of the window and check what's in the fridge but he hates standing up, dripping taps and reality.