10 Things Only First Time Fathers Understand

5. You Get Excited About Faeces

Baby Old Man
Comedy Central

Truth. All the parenting books suggest baby nappies should be full of the right coloured cack, excreted at the right time, with the appropriate consistency, aroma and accompanying parental gag reflex. Anything out of place and you panic. So you become an expert on it. You genuinely talk nothing but crap.

You repeatedly get it smeared on your hands, under your fingernails and occasionally across your face. Your gag reflex eventually becomes non-existent as you’re too preoccupied as to whether it’s the right colour and consistency.

You’ll end up taking photos of faeces and sharing them with your other parent friends for affirmation. Toilet-talk is all.

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Chris James Peet says hello. His interests include hoping for the best and sitting in chairs. He much prefers moaning to counting his blessings and suffers fools gladly. He also likes to look out of the window and check what's in the fridge but he hates standing up, dripping taps and reality.