10 Things You Want To Do To Justin Bieber After His Childish Deposition Video

4. Read From The Torah, In Hebrew, At His Own Bar Mitzvah

I don't even care if he's not Jewish. The very image of watching Bieber standing at a podium, stumbling nervously through the Torah as he tries his best to speak in Hebrew would be enough to make me quit life. He'd probably be so nervous he wouldn't invite anyone from his entourage to come sit in the crowd and shower him with false praise. So instead of a super-loving and supporting crowd of friends and family as is usual of most bar mitzvahs, he'll be surrounded by nothing but angry, disapproving rabbis who, after he finishes reading the text, tell him he has shamed Hashem and is forever excommunicated. Since no one came out to support him (because he was trying to convert to Judaism for the jokes), he's forced to leave the temple alone, kicking through snow with his hands in his pockets and his head down Charlie Brown style. Maybe something like this would make him question what it truly means to be a humble human being. And maybe Charlie Brown's friend Linus could conveniently show up for a deux ex-machina explanation of what being talented truly means. It seems he assumes that if he's talented at one thing then he must talented at everything else. But being talented at reading from the Torah in Hebrew is probably one of the world's most difficult tasks.