10 Ways To Dispose Of A Dead Body (If You Really Needed To)

9. Bury A Decoy

Wood chipper fargo

Sorry, pooch. Whilst we're on the subject, another good way to cover your tracks if you decide to go down the whole burying-it-in-the-woods route (a bit cliched, but fine) is to also bury a decoy.

The police use specially trained cadaver dogs to help them sniff out a body and these dogs will smell straight through that six feet of soil.

What you could do, however, is bury your body around 10 feet down and then bury a dead animal a couple of feet above it (although this does now include you killing an animal too, you monster).

The dog will smell it and raise the alarm, but the coppers are likely to just come to the dead animal, conclude that it was just a false positive and move on (as we've already discussed how knackering digging big holes in the ground is, they probably won't persist just to check).

If you want to be really cocky, you could even fashion a little "RIP Here Lies Snuffles - The Beloved Family Dog" headstone to really hammer the pet grave message home. You could, but we don't reccommend it.


Writer. Raconteur. Gardeners' World Enthusiast.