13 Things You Should Never Say To A Stephen King Fan

3. 'Shall We Buy A Saint Bernard?'

No, we shouldn't. Have you even read Cujo? Do you have any idea what happens when a Saint Bernard gets rabies? Not only does it stop being kind and giving rides to kids, it also goes on a crazed man-eating rampage, plays manipulative mind-games with housewives in small cars, and eats out the throats of local drunks. And, due to its humungous strength and size, this dog (rabid or otherwise) would be able to throw itself into the sides of a small car, and bust in the doors and windows. NOT VEICHLE FRIENDLY. A tiny fluffy kitten would suit much better.