15 Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship With Your Cat

13. Leaving Food You€™ve Carefully Put Out For Them

You stagger back into the house, trying your best to leave the image of the mouse corpse behind you and Catnip Everdeen is staring lovingly up at you. This is love at its purest moment: Catnip begins to rub herself against your legs and it feels like you couldn€™t be closer. And then? Then she walks over to the cupboard where the food is and rubs that with perhaps even more affection.

"Oh yeah. Food. Of course. I fell for it again."

You get the cat food out and choose the one you think she enjoys the most, forking it out into the bowl making sure it covers all sides. You even use the specially bought cat food fork to shred any big bits because, obviously, she can€™t chew for herself, and even if she could she probably wouldn't. All the while, Catnip is looking up longingly at you. Or the bowl, at least. Finally, the food is prepared with the dedication of a Michelin-starred chef and you place the bowl down on the comedy cat-food mat. Catnip runs over, all heady, hungry excitement, and sniffs it. Then sniffs it again. Then she looks up at you like you€™ve just brought her a bowl of dry sick and dandruff. The disdain is felt so strongly that you know you can never rekindle that love again. So, Catnip puts her chin in the air and walks off.

"I might be hungry, but I€™m not that hungry, you utter moron."

Of course, what€™s worse is when she later eats half of it, begrudgingly, but not the other half because, you know, you might have poisoned that bit or something.