15 Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship With Your Cat
14. They Bring Dead Animals Into The House
You finally take the hint and stagger out of bed. Realistically, you were never going to achieve anything today because youre so hungover from a party last night and you feel guilty that you fed Sinead OCollar late, staggering around the kitchen with a pouch of cat-food at one in the morning singing drunkenly. You head downstairs to feed the poor little moggy and to make a coffee, but as you enter the kitchen you're met with the decapitated head of a mouse, and your sadistic feline sitting beside it beaming proudly. For a moment you have to hold the vomit back and forget about the germs that have been smeared all over your kitchen all night. And then you smile and pat Sinead on the head (only on the head, only on the head, she doesnt like it anywhere else) because "its a gift and I should be happy shes brought this mouse head in for me". Later, you weep softly as you scoop up the head and take it outside, stopping only to be sick into the outside bin in front of your disgusted neighbours who have clearly never known the horror of having something half dead and screaming brought to them as a token of love.
