20 Lies We All Tell Technical Support Agents

20. "I've Already Tried That"

"No you haven't. Argue all you want, you haven't. Why? Because if you had tried that it would be working now." It's the most common lie a techie will ever hear. Some lazy idiot on the end of the phone thinks his time is too important to spend 30 seconds rebooting his phone or plugging his router into a different phone socket. Usually the steps that fix most technical issues involve restarting or rebooting the offending gadget and it's always the first item on the script to try. You have no idea how many people will try and get away with not following the basic steps.

19. "It Just Stopped Working"

"Wrong. The only time something just stops working is when the battery runs out. So put it on charge and it'll work. Or, tell me what you were doing when the issue started and I'll tell you what's wrong." This is an infuriating lie. If a computer locks up, there will be a reason for it, something you have done will have directly or indirectly caused the issue. The problem is, without knowing what was going on it can be impossible to work out what the issue is. So really, that lie is only hurting yourself.

18. "I Need This To Work. I Use It For My Job"

"That's nice, isn't it? You're running a business off a dodgy mobile broadband connection. What about using a landline connection? Oh, this was cheaper? Well enjoy losing money, you tight git." Techies don't care if you use your mobile phone/mobile broadband for work. They care even less when you point it out to them. And they DEFINITELY stop caring entirely when you start kicking off about how much money you're losing. You see, techies are smart enough to know that you can be the best sales person in the world, but if you're running your business of a service that can't be guaranteed to work everywhere and have no hardline backup, then you're going to suffer. After all, how much business can you sell without a signal? Lastly, if you are planning on running a business, pay the money for business lines and business packages, because when it goes wrong, if you're on a personal line, that priority service you seem to expect for yourself will never happen. Enjoy waiting at the back of the queue.

17. "I've Been Trying To Get Through For Hours. Why Does It Take You So Long To Answer The Phone?"

"Because it's busy, pet. There's 200 people in the queue and only 30 of us, it's going to take time. Did you not enjoy our hold music?" Waiting in queues can suck, especially when the hold music is some MIDI muzak or pop hits from 3 years ago. However, spending the first three minutes of a call complaining about how long you've waited to speak to a techie doesn't help anyone. The techie will have had the same complaints from every other customer he has dealt with during this particular busy period. You waited in a long queue, that doesn't make you special. The lie that annoys the techies, however, is knowing that you didn't wait in the queue for hours. Call centres all have ways of telling their staff how big the queue is, how long the wait time is and how bad the service level is doing. Waiting on hold seems to eradicate people's concept of time, so a 10 minute wait at a very busy time always comes out as hours when customers are complaining. Just stop. Buy a watch.