20 Lies We All Tell Technical Support Agents

12. "I Didn't Click On That"

"Of course, because computers can just decide to click on a link that will download very virus known to man. No, no, I believe you. Well, if by €œbelieve€ you mean €œdon€™t believe€..." Computers are tools. They don't have minds of their own. They will only do what they're told. So if a dodgy link has been clicked that's given you a virus, it's your fault, not the computer's. Granted, some viruses can come from perfectly innocent sources. Some Facebook games are notorious for infecting computers with some VERY nasty viruses. The main point though, is that a virus coming down to your computer is always directly related to something you have done. It won€™t ever go off on its own and look for a virus. The important thing to remember though, is that there is no shame in getting a virus, most people have had them. In all honesty, most techies aren€™t that bothered about where the virus came from, but they do need to know roughly what you were doing at the time you noticed the infection so they can help you. Hiding behind embarrassment will only make your issue last longer. It may also amuse the techie to the point where they ask probing questions, so decide just how embarrassing you think it could be before you decide to lie.

11. "I've Been A Customer For X Years"

"Uh-huh. And?" Here is a pro-tip that applies not just for tech support but all call centre related interactions: Not a single person who answers phones for a living cares how long you have been a customer for. Not one. That chestnut is usually wheeled out by a disgruntled customer who is having a "service" problem, I.e. something that will take a while to fix that can't be helped. No matter how many apologies the techie makes, it's not good enough and Captain Entitled on the end of the phone goes on to point out how many years he's been paying for his service. The thing is though, in most cases when people throw that in your face, they get it wrong. There is always a 2 to 5 year disparity from what the customer thinks and what the account says. If you're not a fan of pedantry while you're angry, don't bother saying this to a tech support agent, you'll just end up being corrected.

10. "It Was Like That When I Got There"

"So the screen just cracked by itself? Gravity had nothing to do with it? Are you absolutely sure? Hmm..." Customers will try anything to divert the blame away from themselves in the hope that they can get a free repair. To be fair, it's only a cross section of particularly devious/dishonest callers who will plead blind ignorance like that. Remember, if it's a lie your mother caught you telling when you were 10, it's not going to work on a techie. Be honest. If you broke your phone or laptop, own up to it. You're not going to get around a warranty inspection to get a free repair, especially if you construct such a terrible lie.

9. "I Pay My Bill On Time, Every Time"

"Can you check with your bank on that? It's just my system says otherwise..." When a kid lies, it's well known that their guilty conscience will often cause them to blurt out their cover story when they really don't need to, shining the light of suspicion onto them. Pointing out how frequent your bill payments are to a techie is the equivalent. You see, a techie isn't interested in your bill. Billing is a whole other department, techies will only check into your bill if they have good reason to and by saying that you always pay your bill on time, every time that is usually good enough to get some spidey-senses tingling. In practice, not paying your provider on time can cause service interruption, and customers complaining of intermittent service, then pointing out their bill status is always going to go hand in hand as a whacking great lie.