Say it - don't lean over the bar, grab my head, and passionately spray it into the right side of my face. If only we had one of those plastic partitions you get at the bank: one space for drunks to put their money in and another perfectly-sized hole to pass their pint through. But, no, Señor In-Yo-Face simply must shower you in their stale lager breath with their grievous order of 14 mojitos, 2 pints of Guinness and 10 Jägerbombs. How about die.
19. "Surprise Me!"
A bartender's cue to serve the next person. This situation ends up delaying the scrambling crowd of already aggravated half-cut punters. How incapable of a human being are you if you can't even accomplish the simple process of ordering a drink? Here's a pint of Toilet Duck, get out.
18. People Coming To The Bar Without Deciding What They Want
"I'll have a... erm... hang on....erm I'm not sure... what do you do?" So you wait. Fake smile, head full of murder. Why even APPROACH the bar if you don't know what you want to drink? Please wait while we list the entire range of alcohol stocked in the premises, as the rowdy Grey Goose zombies clamber closer and closer to the back of the bar like a scene from World War Z. Take your time... seriously, we've got all night.
17. When A Customer Dumps All Their Money Onto The Wet Bar
Because, of course, no bartender likes cash going straight from their hand into the till. We just love fishing around pools of sticky lager, trying to prise the pile of wet coins from the bar. You know what's even better? When they pay with the entirety of small change in their wallet. Syrup-covered shrapnel is so much fun!
