1. Getting All The Grief In The World When Calling Time
Last orders and time at the bar are real things for a reason. It doesnt matter whether youre shouting it into the air with the piercing, practiced volume of a carnival barker, speaking it into the microphone with the soothing, amplified tones of a veteran radio DJ, or singing Time, time, time at the bar at the top of your lungs to the tune of Tom Waits Time. Your voice is the official warning to customers that their time as drinkers in that there establishment is coming to an end. Yet still - still! - youll get people crowding to the bar as the staff begin closing up shop, desperate for one last drink. Still, youll have numpties pleading for a final pint in that aggrieved tone they reserve just for you and for people who wont sleep with them. Still, youll have confused staff beginning to serve someone new, only for you to have to tell them to stop, risking the wrath of the thwarted Great British Drinker. Its enough to make you seriously reconsider your choice of career at least, until you realise that every job has elements of the totally sh*tbox to it. I mean, what are you going to do work in an office? Sod that for a laugh.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
