Is that supposed to be some sort of compliment? That my beard makes me look like I could be an elderly, obese man? Do you go up to men with moustaches and say they'd make a good Hitler?
17. Literally Eating Your Own Moustache
Having a long moustache to go alongside your beard is a mark of real commitment (not to mention looking a lot better) but it's a bloody logistical nightmare. Any attempt to bite anything ends with a mouthful of your own hair and the searing pain not only from the yanked bristles, but also from the revelation that you have utterly failed at life.
16. Movember Guilt
Movember is obviously a great cause, no doubt about it, but as a spectacularly bearded man, you will be judged for refusing to shave it all off and start from scratch in the name of charity. Even if nobody else mentions it, the guilt will gnaw away at your insides, until you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. Then everything seems so much better.
15. The Face Every Woman Pulls When You Go To Kiss Their Cheek
Anyone who hasn't been kissed by a man has missed out on one of life's great enriching experiences. Line up. They've also usually got horrible expectations of what your beard will feel like dragged across their apparently perfect skin: they expect sandpaper on genitals style discomfort, and as a result just as you're moving in for the peck, you catch sight of the inevitable Fear Factor face, as they brace themselves for the pain that never comes.
