5 Classic Christmas Traditions That Are Completely Over-Rated

4. The Christmas Tree

One of the most bizarre traditions of the Christmas period is the tree. A cheaply decorated tree - real or plastic - is erected in the home, causing cramped living conditions, which means both that only one person can occupy a room at at time, and everyone has occasional seizures when the fairy lights dazzle with their hypnotic glare. You have to ask why a plant receives the most attention in your own house for a whole month. It is not human nature feel intense preoccupying jealousy toward a piece of fauna. It's only a matter of time before we start introducing Christmas themed animals into our homes. When the tree is set up, it immediately becomes my worst enemy, however when it gets taken down - pretty much as soon as the presents are opened - it becomes a spirit that haunts me with boxes of garish decorations stored in the catacombs of my house that become home to new generations of creatures. It's hard to decide if the tree is the cause of this turmoil, or the appalling things that are typically thrown on it. In some ways, I take pity on the tree; it must be degrading to be dressed as an eccentric ageing 1920s prostitute for the pleasure of your owners. But then, since when have trees' feelings ever come into it? The plastic Christmas tree - being the lesser of two evils - although unappealing, at least does not cause a sea of pine needles that cover the floor with an avalanche of hazardous pointy objects. But at least you always get awful, but wonderfully functional slippers from Santa. Would it not be better to simply have one tree per town, decorate it as a community, gather all presents under it - then join hands and set it on fire whilst sarcastically singing Christmas carols?