7. Elvis Presley
Contrary to popular belief, the King didn't die from a heart-attack mid-crap. He died of a "broken heart". Or at least that's what the fanatic in the queue at Memphis airport told me. Not overly keen on expanding upon this statement, I guess we're obliged to take her word for it. Oh, wait, no we're not. Looking like a rather large shadow of his former self and approaching an enforced twilight of his career, Elvis Aaron Presley was the subject of the first recorded use of the word "caricature". Bloated, busting-out of his jumpsuit and bumbling his way through songs and shows, by this point he was dropping pills and peanut butter, banana and bacon sarnies like they were hot (how good do they sound!?). To summarise, yes, his gargantuan, often drug-fuelled over-indulgences did get the better of him. Glaucoma, liver "bother" and an enlarged colon being among the key medical ailments from which he suffered. He may have left the building but his legacy survives him. With more number one albums/singles than you could shake a stick at, the man's output was nothing short of prodigious.
Conspiracy theorists say: Despite having difficulty in wiping his own arse at the time of his apparent death, the King lives on. We're not so sure.