3. Have Graham Carr Genetically Replicated Like In Moon
Sony PicturesOk, hear me out: a year or so ago Newcastle offered their Chief Scout an improved eight year contract. Eight years! On Football Manager the most you can possibly offer is five, and nobody in their right mind offers their backroom staff any security beyond the next two Christmases. Why would you? You never know what state the club's going to be in by then. But Graham Carr is the man many consider to be the brain behind the club's policy of scouting undervalued markets and brining in players for considerably less than their market (and, sadly, resale) value. He got us Cabaye for the same money we'd just received for Kevin Nolan. If he worked in used cars that would be him part-exchanging your 1988 Vauxhall Cavalier, and waving you in one of those new Renault things with the iPod dock in the same afternoon. The man needs to be tied down to the club, literally if necessary. But, all the 8 year contracts in the world won't stave off the inevitable interference of old father time, and one day Graham Carr's going to prefer watching his dog chase a ball around a field than some otherwise unknown French lads. Potentially sending Newcastle back to the days of looking at players like Xisco, Cacapa, Marcelino, and Boumsong and thinking "now there's a solid piece of transfer business". Now, I'm not a scientist, but I am a movie lover, and 2009's British sci-fi masterpiece Moon proposed the idea of sustaining one man in one job by simply creating an endless supply of clones. Graham Carr could be copied now, preserved at the height of his prowess, and then replaced when needed. I've not costed that out yet, but I reckon for £75k a week we could probably make something happen.