2. Tyrion Lannister Game of Thrones
A Lannister always pays his debt! If somebody were to tell you ten years ago, that there would be a fantasy series starring Sean Bean (for however long) in which the most enjoyable, endearing and perfectly hilarious character was a Wise Ass 1.35m tall, youd probably bemoan the future of television. But youd be wrong. In Tyrion Lannister, George R. R. Martin created a man small in stature but godlike in mastery. On paper the psychological traits arent anything new: a physically diminutive boy trains his intellect in compensation; deprived of familial love he spends his life seeking it between brothels sheets; and a perceived deformity becomes his greatest shield from ridicule. Its the situations hes faced with, however, that give him ample cause for Wise Ass-ery, and thats why hes placed so prominently in this list.
King Joffery: If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, hell do as I say!Tyrion: That would make me the Quarter-Man ... just doesnt have the same ring to it! Being a Lannister makes Tyrion wealthy beyond belief and nearly beyond reproach for anything he says or does, so this gives him ample scope to become a vocal voyeur to all political intrigue his family is embroiled in and, sometimes, the voice of reason too. But this voice is no mere mention, when accused of attempting to kill Bran he stands literally on the precipice of death and gives a lengthy confession of all he is guilty, culminating in the following:
When I was 12 I milked my ear into a pot of turtle stew; I flogged the one-eyed snake; I skinned my sausage; I made the bald man cry! Into the turtle stew!! Which I do believe my sister ate, at least I hope she did! The whole court looking on he has the poised eloquence to deliver hilarity after hilarity before denying he knows anything of the crime of which hes actually been accused! Yet another key facet of a great Wise Ass: calmness under pressure. Its what sets them apart from the rest of us. Where the average Ass would stutter and stammer his way out of the Moon Door Tyrion Lannister takes the opportunity of an audience to prove his point in a way that he sees fit. A way that amuses
him!
I just want to stand on top of the wall and piss off the edge of the world Finding quotes for Tyrion Lannister is an absolute reminiscent joy but this last one encapsulates his early Wise Ass-ery best. Faced with little more obligation than cutting short his debauchery to show his face at a formal event, Tyrion gives this reason for his sojourn to the North. And yet the more laden with forced responsibility he is, the better and more cutting his quips become. Waiting for Series 3 is an agony were forced to endure but were guaranteed recompense in the magnificent form of Tyrion Lannister.