3. Clifford The Big Red Dog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWwIyKOCrd8 Clifford The Big Red Dog was a children's show about, well, a big red dog, called Clifford. He was a normal-sized pup once, but because his owner Emily loved him so much, he grew to an enormous, unmanageable size. Rather than seeking veterinary help or specialised benefits to afford his food though, Emily's family decided that the only option was to move to an island, and into a house with a garden big enough for Clifford. That's a premise that most children probably don't care all that much about; they're used to neon creatures with televisions in their stomachs, so how a dog can grow bigger than a house doesn't phase them. Despite this, the Clifford theme song recounts the premise every episode, just in case you really wanted to know, with lyrics that squeeze into the tiniest spaces and struggle to rhyme: "Clifford's so loyal, he's a friend to us all / I love Clifford, the big red dog" forming a lacklustre conclusion to the track. Whilst the singer's actually got a good voice, he makes the song sound like a parody; he uses a heavy American accent, there's some grit in his voice, and he sounds like he's probably covered 'Wonderwall' on YouTube. He's a vocalist probably more used to singing folk/rock, and it gives the Clifford theme an overly serious tone; the constant references to how brilliant Clifford is only make the song nauseating. It's important not to talk down to children on television; they're a show's harshest critics. Hopefully, they see Clifford the Big Red Dog's theme tune as for patronising rubbish it really is.