10 Reasons Everyone In Star Trek Is An Idiot

6. Using The Transporter

Senior officers aren€™t always summoned to the bridge for some trifling anomaly, of course. There are plenty of times when the ship€™s plunged into Red Alert and everyone€™s expected to high-tail it to the bridge. Except that, as Red Alert means €œall hands to battle stations€, the traffic coming the other way must be fairly horrendous at this point, with everyone queueing for turbolifts and hordes of schoolchildren getting ready to evacuate in case someone€™s let Troi drive again. Maybe it€™s considered risky (or just lazy) to use the transporter under those circumstances, but if you€™re a night shift ensign who€™s suddenly found themselves staring down a Romulan warbird, surely you€™d want the captain on the bridge sooner rather than later? Now that everyone€™s gotten over the transporterphobia displayed in Star Trek: Enterprise, there are all sorts of ways they could be using the transporter, because it€™s an insanely powerful piece of kit if you adopt a more villainous mindset. The next time there are intruders on board, just beam them all into a holding cell, combadges or no. The transporter€™s been shown to be capable of locking onto people who are falling, so running around shouldn€™t be too much of a problem. Also, keep a stock of large blast panels in the cargo bay, and the next time your shields are knocked out, beam them into the path of any oncoming torpedoes. The transporter€™s an amazingly powerful weapon - it€™s just a shame everyone in the Federation€™s too nice to realise it.
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Chris has over a decade's experience as a game designer and writer in the video game industry. He's currently battling Unity in a fight to the death.