10 Reasons True Blood Should Die The True Death

9. The Werewolves Are Toothless Puppies

Now, like vampires, every supernatural show seems to have their own kind of werewolf these days, and they€™re getting more and more under our skins as time goes on. Teen Wolf has brought us a hit show on MTV with werewolves as central figures, and Canada€™s Bitten seems set to follow the trend. They bring us complex caste systems for pack culture, their own intricate mythologies and back stories, and strong, magical, scary-ass beasts that you do not want to let into bed with your grandmother. The concept of 'the curse' is crucial here. Teen Wolf, Bitten and the late, lamented Being Human give us lycanthropes that are turned through contagion, becoming what they are as a result of surviving a werewolf attack. It€™s a tragic affliction attached to survivor€™s guilt, which can be a powerful narrative drive for a character or a story. The Vampire Diaries and its spin-off The Originals prefer to give us hereditary werewolf pack-culture, families carrying the wolf gene from generation to generation. However the conceit of the curse is still carried through with the idea that they€™re forced to become unstoppable monsters every full moon, even if the rest of the month they€™re mostly rednecks skulking in the woods with designer stubble and good hair. And then there€™s True Blood, whose werewolves are just another shape-changing race with slight anger management issues. They€™re hereditary lycanthropes like the ones in The Vampire Diaries, but they turn into€ well, big dogs, and seemingly whenever they like. They get together around fires and howl at each other, they get naked a lot, and there€™s some scenes where they fight over who gets to be pack-leader, which seems to involve a lot of growling and posing - like college kids who really don€™t want to have this bar fight but, you know, their girlfriends are watching or something. But there€™s no curse, no tragic angst, and no sense of heightened drama around the time of the full moon. They€™re only slightly more dangerous than drunken bikers. Being Human€™s werewolves are, once a month, the scariest creatures in the world, capable of taking out a dozen vampires without a scratch. True Blood€™s are probably carrying parasites that are deadlier than they are. But, toothless as they are, they€™re not€
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Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.