If Cheryl seems keen on any above choices, but can't quite make up her mind, I feel there's one character that perfectly combines the best qualities of them all. With a penchant for crime, coarse language, drugs, drink, romance and violent sex, Blue Velvet's Frank Booth, played brilliantly by Dennis Hopper, is the whole package. Frank's well-rounded way can probably be attributed to the fact that he has not one, but two entirely different but equally sadomasochistic split personalities, "baby" and "daddy." There would be plenty of substance to keep Cheryl occupied. His madness is akin to a benevolent dictator, bounding his objects of affection in blue velvet beyond simply wrapping his iron fist in it. Aside from the choking, beating and kidnapping, Frank and Cheryl could bond over their passion for country music. She'd be particularly moved by Frank's reaction to Roy Orbison's In Dreams. Frank's legitimate connections to the mob, in comparison to Mallory Archer's, could quickly fund Cheryl's blossoming country music career. I can only imagine the love letters that would come straight from his heart. Letters that would make you question your idea of what a love letter really was: a heartfelt confession of one's affection or a bullet to the head of your lover's enemies? Is there really a difference? Hmm, perhaps Frank could have a future at ISIS, if not in Cheryl's life, after all. In summery, whether you're single or taken, vanilla or not, love is what you make of it. If you gather anything from this article, take this: the search for love and it's inevitable capture is never easy or painless, so make the best of it. You'll never know when love will cold-cock you. Good luck, Ms. Tunt! Have a Happy Valentine's Day. Hopefully you'll look back at my advice while having the greatest fling of your life and think "this is just like what the old gypsy lady said!"
