6 Vital Lessons... And Two Sh**ty Things I Learned About Life While Writing Thousands Of Jokes For TV

1. HARD WORK IS ITS OWN REWARD.

Because what joke writers do for a living isn't science, what makes it on the show you're writing for doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the quality of your work. So, writers have to have two things: thick skins and confidence. Oh, and big penises. I'm kidding. You don't have to have thick skin. Anyway -- when you are a writer, you can't let someone else's opinion of your work determine how you feel about what you do, after-all, it's just one person, and there are many places where your jokes or a show might very well be viable. Which leads to having confidence. You have to be confident that you're a good writer. That you write funny jokes that will make people laugh, whether you have jokes on tonight's show or not. When people ask me about the rejection writers (and producers) often feel when their work isn't made public, isn't told in the monologue, or isn't made into the series you created, I say the following: I'm a baker. I make great cake. Unfortunately, some days they're buying muffins. And your boss's, or the network's affection for muffins today, doesn't make your cake bad or unfunny, or unworthy of love. It just means today, they want muffins. Although, as everyone rightly knows, muffins are awful. And muffins are the leading cause of cancer. As for cake, it is delicious. And cake cures cancer. Especially the kind with fudge. AND NOW, TWO SHITTY THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT LIFE WHILE WRITING JOKES FOR TV...