Ok, so I had to include it. Dallas pretty much invented the disappointing cop-out, and that is scientific fact (it really isn't, don't look that up). If it wasn't on this list you'd pretty much be licensed to pelt me with fruit. Luckily it's here, and I haven't set a troubling new precedent for What Culture writers. For those of you who don't know (and more to the point, where the hell have you been?), Dallas once committed a cop-out of such mind-blowing, balls-out cowardice that it's perhaps overshadowed the show's legacy. You see, when a TV character is killed, it's always because of two things a) the writers were planning for this already-written death, and are making good on their promise, or b) the actor's thrown a sh*t-fit, cast off the humble surroundings of TV and made a break for film's glamorous hinterland, leaving the writers to pick up the pieces. Such a path is supposed to be permanent, and such was the path that Patrick Duffy trod in Dallas. While Duffy's was originally intended to be the heroic main star of the show, he soon found himself upstaged by his uproariously amoral older brother J.R., or more specifically J.R.'s actor Larry Hagman. But still, Duffy retained a large, central role in proceedings and rode the show's success all the way to the bank before deciding he needed to move on to other projects. Yet Dallas wasn't the springboard he'd hoped it would be, and after a run of TV movies and pronounced failure to break into Hollywood circles, Duffy was back to his former meal ticket. Yet there was just one problem though Duffy had left, they hadn't packed up the show with him. How could they? Dallas was wildly successful, and you could bet your b*llocks to a barn dance that the producers weren't going to shut up shop because one actor left the gilded ship. So with Bobby killed off-screen (car accident, apparently), the show chugged on for its ninth season. But then Duffy wanted back in, and the studio in the aforementioned act of mind-blowing cowardice decided to acquiese to his request, coherent internal logic be damned. After all, if it's broke (and Dallas certainly lacked something without Bobby), you should probably fix it with little regard for all else, right? So they wrote off season nine as a dream of Bobby's wife Pamela Barnes, who woke up, strutted into the bathroom and found her beloved lathering himself up in the shower. As a result all the developed plotlines in season nine were scrapped, all for some more sweet, Patrick Duffy facetime. Sure, it was cowardly, but it was a cop-out of such bravura proportions that it needed mentioning on this list. Unlike most things and outside the Final Fantasy world, death is permanent. When you write out a character, it's usually expected that they stay dead. Yet alas, such a revelation was hilariously lost on Dallas' scriptwriters. and the moment will now live in infamy. It's so amazingly stupid you just have to applaud it.
Durham University graduate and qualified sports journalist. Very good at sitting down and watching things. Can multi-task this with playing computer games. Football Manager addict who has taken Shrewsbury Town to the summit of the Premier League.
You can follow me at @Ed_OwenUK, if you like ramblings about Newcastle United and A Place in the Sun. If you don't, I don't know what I can do for you.
