Let me be clear on something: Cruel as fame has sometimes been to Bonnie Langford (the condom commerical that suggests her parents could've saved us all some trouble comes to mind), I am not here to damn her or take cheap shots at her. In fact, she seems quite proud of her time on "Doctor Who", and always seems game to reflect on it in DVD commentaries/documentaries. Though I can't personally say so, she apparently acquits herself well in various audio performances with Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy. (Not having to look at all their late 80s wardrobe can only help, though....) However, this is stunt casting that makes Kylie Minogue in a Christmas special look like a choice based on artistic merit. (I'm sure her performance in "Street Fighter" was what swayed Russell T. Davies...) Langford, for those who don't know, was cast mid-season after the shock-death of 6th doctor companion Peri. (Who wasn't dead after all. Cowards.) Her casting was leaked, and fandom went into an uproar - There were actually statements made assuring them that something like this wouldn't happen without the producer's approval. Except he did approve. It was his idea. The same man who decided that Beryl Reid could basically be Ellen Ripley now made former child star Bonnie Langford THE identification figure on "Doctor Who". For recent American context, imagine if instead of drunken knifeplay and light lesbian affairs, Lindsay Lohan had loaded up in the TARDIS in 2005 (Remember, around then she was still just breaking out of "Young Adult" roles). Perhaps she did in a parallel universe. (I'm confident Eccleston would've detoxed her by "Boom Town") Mel, unlike many previous companions, had a VERY specific character brief. She was a computer programmer from Pease Pottage, and had met the Doctor whilst foiling a banking scheme of the Master's (Who REALLY was aiming low at that point, apparently). Really, none of this mattered. Because all that ended up onscreen was Bonnie Langford. It actually would've been MUCH more workable and believable if they'd just decided "You know who the next companion be? Bonnie Langford. We'll have her play herself." "Doctor Who" was in a REALLY bad place at this point in time. Its stories had become almost pantomimic in terms of costumes, sets, and effects. Its lead was roundly criticized for looking like a clown. It was nearly cancelled due to perceived "violence". Bringing in a new companion could've helped the show get a new lease on life and given audiences someone to latch on to. Instead, it just lent everyone some new ammunition.
(Less than) Shining Moment:
Here's the scene: You are at a BBC screening for the Series debut of Season 24. You know Colin Baker has been fired, and that a new Doctor will appear. The show starts. The TARDIS is shot out of the sky and lands (with rainbow streaks) on a planet that looks more at home on "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers". The New Doctor is still wearing THAT outfit (6's), and spends most of his time unconscious or acting like an idiot. The villain is a camp soap actress who has a giant pink brain in her lair. Then the cliffhanger - In an explosion of light, Mel is trapped, screaming and spinning around in a CGI globe that will smash against a rockface. You curl up and just wish the ground will swallow you in embarassment. You're not a Doctor Who fan. You're Bonnie Langford, and she LIVED that. Poor thing.
In a parallel universe where game shows' final jackpots and consequent fortunes depend on knowledge of obscure music trivia and Jon Pertwee/Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes, I've probably gone rich, insane, and am now a powermad despot. But happily we're not there, so I'm actually rather pleasant. Really.
