The Simpsons: 10 Secondary Characters Voiced By Hank Azaria

4. Kirk van Houten

First Appearance: "Bart's Friend Falls In Love," Season 3. If this list were written pre-van Houten divorce, Kirk would not be on it. Before separating from his wife, Luann, Kirk was a typical middle-class male in Springfield: he worked an office job for Southern Cracker; he neglected his wife and son; and was at worst an under-achiever. Once Luann left Kirk- and he lost his job at the cracker factory- his life took a downward spiral towards failure and sadness, and it was great entertainment. It is just what The Simpsons needed; kicking Gil Gunderson (another Springfield loser) or Hans Moleman when they were down had gotten stale, and loser-Kirk became the best fodder on the show. Terminally unemployed since leaving Southern Cracker, Kirk has taken jobs as: a scarecrow, an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under windshields, a "Condos" sign holder/spinner, and an attempted singer (his demo tape was titled "Can I Borrow A Feeling?") On the relationship front, Kirk has since reconciled with Luann, but during the divorce dated a couple women, including a temp at a local radio station, and had several would-be suitors while he was in jail for kidnapping Bart (he was eventually found innocent.) But it is Luann who truly holds Kirk's heart. While they may be related (they look exactly alike, and Luann is from Shelbyville, a town founded on the rights of cousins to wed) that has never been proven. Kirk, stricken with grief and a need to frequently cry when his wife left, once even cut off his own foot in an attempt to win her back. (It didn't work.) His luck didn't change when him and Luann did re-marry: on their honeymoon, they fell off their cruiseship, and were declared dead. (They were eventually discovered on a deserted island by Milhouse, Bart, and Luann's brother.) Funniest Moment: New-bachelor Kirk, extolling the joys of being single to Homer in his new apartment, flashes the first sign of the depressing life Kirk is about to embark upon. Kirk: "Singles life is great, Homer. I can do whatever I want. Today I drank a beer in the bathroom." Homer: "The one down the hall." Kirk: "Yeah! And another great thing, you get your own bed. I sleep in a racing car, do you?" Homer: "I sleep in a big bed with my wife." Kirk: "Oh. Yeah."