10 Absolutely RIDICULOUS Wrestling Theme Lyrics
Where the kings (and the headliners and the midcarders and and the faces and the heels) bow down.
Nobody really pays attention to the lyrics.
Everybody is too busy going apesh*t in that white-hot moment following the sting; even the stunted, theatrical stylings of David Draiman's remix couldn't distract from Steve Austin's badass aura. When the glass shattered, we knew 'Stone Cold' was about to disrupt everything.
Several classic pro wrestling themes don't even include lyrics. Blessedly, no vocalist was tasked with describing the Ultimate Warrior, and more blessedly still, WWE tends not to license complementary mainstream songs as a cost-saving measure. We avoided the very apt 'One In A Million' by Guns N' Roses, and instead were enthralled by the super-energetic 'Unstable', and its elemental endorphin rush of frenetic rock riffs.
In modern times, lyrics are mostly avoided by the CFO$ duo and their looping fetish. This does not inhibit bangers. Johnny Gargano's clapping, soaring 'Rebel Heart' is a quality Jimmy Hart Version of a Coheed and Cambria tune. 'Undisputed' is an audacious funk rock jam that both mirrors the peacocking arrogance of the faction and acts as a conduit for Kyle O'Reilly's hammy awesomeness. 'Glorious Domination' would still generate a pop on Main Event...
...which is just as well, looking at the weather.
Some people bemoan the idea that practicality has squashed imagination - but it's probably for the best...
10. Sting - A Man Called Sting
Surfer Sting's theme didn't require lyrics, really. As a hollering, high-energy babyface sensation, a simple, accelerating rock track - one that mirrored his infectious aura - would have sufficed.
But WCW did hire some guy to write lyrics. LOLWCW hired some guy to write ridiculously bad lyrics.
'The Man Called Sting / The Man Called Sting / He's a man called Sting / The Man Called Sting'
Say what you see, f*cking hell. There's something so bluntly, hilariously normalising about 'He's a man called Sting', too. He is simply a man. Not much to cheer for. Move on.
'He does this / He does that'.
Sting is just an ordinary man, doing ordinary things, not a performer worth paying to watch. He does this, he does that. He does the dishes, he takes the bins out. He is a man called Steve.
'And all the kids, they all go wild / 'And all the old people start to act like a child'
This is a riot. The lyric is imagined as a means of putting over Sting's appeal, as a wrestler capable of channeling the innocence and wonder of his public, but in translation, it just buries the audience as a bunch of sad acts.
"It's all fake. Grow up!"