Let's start off with the big one. Assuming you were to end up scuffling in a local drinking establishment (the historical setting for around 103% of all public brawls), what more fitting attack than the signature move of the most alcohol-infused character wrestling ever seen? The simplicity of the motion makes it perfectly suited to various points on the inebriation spectrum, from "not quite crisp" to "fall down pi**ed". It does consist, after all, of dropping to the floor rump-first. Would a Rock-sized opponent be left standing on his head ten feet away, though? The answer is: physics. Setting aside the fact that such levels of repulsive force are beyond human physiology, if somehow you could drive the necessary foot-pounds up into someone's face, the outcome would be less flying KO and more closed casket funeral. No, you'll have to settle for sort of ringing your opponent's bell on your shoulder, which is useful but may leave them standing. In case you need a deal-breaker, the move is physically impossible without a kick to the gut beforehand. It is this writer's responsibility to inform you that there are some dire consequences involved when doing this to a person who may or may not have seventeen Hoegaardens in them.
CKUT radio host, underground lyricist, Michael Myers scholar and all-around world-class opiner. Signature move: Irony Bomb. Blood type: chai. Never seen in the same place and time as Logic Johnson, former featured columnist for Bleacher Report.
Hopelessly unfamiliar with Yellow Submarine.
