A quick preface: while it's true that the moonsault has been somewhat downgraded to a near-fall move in modern WWE, in 1993 it was briefly the finishing move of a certain arithmetic-related WWF wrestler. Many will recall that he used it to score an upset over a certain shaving-related wrestler. And after all, why wouldn't it end a match? It just ticks all the right boxes for a three-count and a pop. Let's try it in the real world and reap the breathless admiration of every last eyewitness. Well, here's the thing about moonsaults: they're sold as body attacks, but in reality rotation and torque are such that most of the impact is between your knees and the floor. Technically, your torso is rotating away from your opponent. So in real life, you would float majestically backwards off the DJ booth before giving your prone victim a stiff chest bump and knee-smashing planet Earth. This may indeed end the fight with your puzzled opponent staring at you as you lie moaning in a small pool of whatever cocktails you spilled on the way down. You could try a 450 splash instead, but you would end up in a similar situation, only now your body is actually swinging your face at the ground. Not recommended anywhere but the beach.
CKUT radio host, underground lyricist, Michael Myers scholar and all-around world-class opiner. Signature move: Irony Bomb. Blood type: chai. Never seen in the same place and time as Logic Johnson, former featured columnist for Bleacher Report.
Hopelessly unfamiliar with Yellow Submarine.