10 Craziest Things Vince McMahon Has Ever Said To Wrestlers
Meat and greets.
Obviously, Vince McMahon has said considerably more than 10 batsh*t insane things to his talent because he has asked them, over the span of about 40 years, to make real his outrageous storyline ideas. And so, even though these anecdotes haven't slipped out, Vince has all but assuredly said something to the effect of:
"You're so f*cking boring that my top star is going to go call you boring, and then fall asleep, complete with quilt, during your match" to Lance Storm.
"Will you sit in a depressing room for a year while I think of something to do with you? No, not catering, another one" to Aleister Black.
"Fancy shagging a mannequin mocked up to look like a corpse next door to a real funeral?" to Triple H.
"Can you stutter for me? It's just that we're trying to give the people we're asking fans to cheer for flaws these days. I've lost the plot" to Matt Morgan.
"Will you break wind excessively? You see, I have the sense of humour of a four year-old" to Natalya.
"Wanna f*ck?" to his daughter Stephanie.
He has also said - allegedly, in the most appalling examples - the following...
10. Rick Rude's Body Isn't Good Enough (!)
Right.
Look at Rick Rude's f*cking body in that picture, as if you've ever forgotten what it looks like. It's as etched into your mind as it was itself etched from marble.
Rude was a tremendous working heel - in getting the best matches out of the Ultimate Warrior, he was essentially Atlas, only the world is an earth-sized haemorrhoid in this analogy - and not to undersell that, but he needed the body to make the gimmick work because the gimmick was that of a man so sexy and hard-bodied that he was the only person in the arena to have a good one. He broke the scale, his body was that good. His gimmick was having the best body when it was mandatory to be shredded as f*ck.
Rude was as lean as the times WWE found themselves in earlier this year, during which they had to lay off several employees and contractors in order to achieve record profits.
Rick Rude never lost that definition. He was always 'Ravishing'. His body looked phenomenal in 1988, and he revealed under oath that he had used anabolic steroids to enhance his prize physique.
McMahon told Rude that he "didn't look good," following a period off the juice when he was "trying to establish a family," and that he "should push himself" in order to relocate that vitally important 16th abdominal muscle. Rude interpreted this as coded instruction to resume his cycle.
And you wonder why Vince put Keith Lee in a f*cking t-shirt, Christ almighty.