10 Legendary Wrestlers Who Couldn't Cut A Promo
Between "good lucha things" and "sufferin' succotash, son!" lie these men and women.
Consider the worst promos in professional wrestling history.
We're talking Ahmed Johnson's WWF War Zone catastrophes here. Terrible, bottom-of-the-barrel rants that work only in a so-awful-it's-actually-hilarious kind of way. Think Roman Reigns calling Seth Rollins a "snivelling little suck-up, sellout, full of sufferin' succotash, son!", "the genesis of McGillicutty," or pretty much any time Ken Patera ever opened his mouth. The dirt worst.
Spit this level of hot garbage regularly and you probably won't become a wrestling legend like the names listed within. There are a couple of exceptions, as outlined beyond this introduction, but a sh*t-tier orator must leap great hurdles in a business where talking fans into the building is as important than delivering a great match - if not more so.
These men and women weren't all the absolute dirt worst on the microphone, though each enjoyed levels of success far beyond their talking ability. Note the term "legend," too. Guys like Shelton Benjamin, Dean Malenko, and John Morrison have always been a lot better between the ropes than on the microphone and each became a champion in WWE, but without attaining legendary status. That's why they aren't featured here...
10. Sid
"You can wear any Halloween costume you want, but you know and I know, you're only half the man I am... and I only have half the brain that you do!"
Oh, Sid. Dear, precious Sid.
The snippet above comes from the most famous promo of the giant's career - a hilarious self-own in which Sid shredded his own brainpower while attempting to ether Kevin Nash. It sits somewhere between Kalisto's "good lucha things" at Jumpin' Jeff Farmer's "yip" on the list of all-time great promo misfires, but that's what happened when you gave Sid a microphone. He imploded.
The old Sycho had roughly three things going for him as a performer:-
1. Presence.
2. Size.
3. Intensity.
... but damn if he wasn't fun to watch. Sid was a dangerous mountain of a man, bringing a bumbling chaos totally unique to him. That you knew the wheels could come off at any second (and they did, frequently) was part of the appeal, though Shawn Michaels proved the big oaf was carryable on occasions and he had enough about him to score four World Title wins across WCW and WWE.
Perhaps he shouldn't get too much credit for that: few WWE Champions had drawn less money at the time.