10 Measures WWE Can Take To Improve AWFUL Ratings

7. MORE T*TS AND ASS

Public Roast
WWE.com

Sigh.

Subjectively, this isn't a great idea. In fact, it is stone age stuff. But USA wants ratings. They're paying for this, and since the 'Alexa Bliss is rudely interrupted in her dressing room' segment has accumulated a very impressive 7M views on YouTube, perhaps this is the barometer of what fans wish to see. Fans wish to see 46 seconds of hot, raw footage of...a woman's back.

I don't know what to tell you. This, sadly, is consistent with the market research we have conducted here at WhatCulture. What follows are actual comments on pirated YouTube videos in which the various Divas of the past are presumably masturbated over, furiously:

"lovvvvve you sable even her intro song is unforgettable ughhh sable is so sexxxxy"

"Jacqueline was the sexiest black female wrestler on WWE. An top 5 overall of all the divas."

"Ah ! Those were the days! Back when those feminist cults didnt exist."

Sigh.

Women are really great at wrestling. In light of the recent Kota Ibushi controversy, the whole concept of danger is the subject of renewed debate. Asuka does not work an overtly dangerous style, but is so incredible at the nuance of psychology that she creates an atmosphere of it. She wiggles her fingers in delight at the prospect of hurting somebody without actually really hurting anybody.

Compromise: Asuka in a robe? So at least she appears on TV in some capacity?

Nope, because, once more with feeling, Vince doesn't think it is possible to masturbate over Asian women.

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!