10 Measures WWE Can Take To Improve AWFUL Ratings
5. The Return Of The BIGGEST DRAW IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING HISTORY
Picture the scene.
In the hours leading up to Monday Night RAW, WWE's official Twitter account promises an earth-shattering announcement:
Tonight, everything changes!
Millions of us, afflicted by Stockholm Syndrome, tune in. The arena darkens. Anticipation is rampant. "Broooo..." lights up the PA, followed by the west coast synthesisers that accompany Matt Riddle to the ring. Riddle takes a while to emerge from behind the curtain, so that the molten reaction of the crowd registers.
Swerve!
It is Vince Russo.
Because that's the answer, isn't it? Several hundred of Russo's acolytes tell you, constantly, that he was the source of the WWF's huge success throughout the Attitude Era. His writing didn't draw many viewers when Steve Austin and The Rock didn't sign for TNA, but he did book the WWF in 1999, and so he is the best candidate to bring back the ratings to an industry that has comprehensively moved forward.
Within seconds, Seth Rollins turns on Roman Reigns, but it was a set-up all along! The Shield have reformed as a heel faction with a new third member: the returning Buff Bagwell, whom Russo once claimed was more charismatic than The Rock.
Chad Gable is now an army general. Andrade rolls out of the ring because he refuses to "lie down for" for Finn Bálor's Coup de Grâce. Aleister Black is delighted to open his door next week, because a "fat chick" just walked in, and he loves to "thrill" "fat chicks".
It's ratings gold! Rejoice!