WWE, a total paradox of an entity, at once moves at an incredible rate and feels like literally the exact same show it was two months ago.
Narrative developments are either abandoned immediately or prolonged well past the point of profound over-familiarity, creating a weird sensation whereby you cannot remember something you've seen more of than your family. During lockdown. It is a shambles. This is a company booked by Jonathan Frakes gaslighting you about the events of the previous three months.
Humberto Carrillo was a breakout performer who looked to be on the verge of a United States Title win and a solid career.
We made this one up.
Bianca Belair looked set to cause a stir in the Women's division by virtue of a win over Zelina Vega in August.
It's a total fabrication.
We have tag teams in this company.
It's an urban legend that never happened.
There is no fixed plan, and even when you think there might be, whoops - Keith Lee and Drew McIntyre aren't working the WrestleMania main event after all. Combine all this with the general time/space f*ckery that is the year 2020, and yes, things that happened very recently are as lost to time as ancient civilisations.
But Peppersidge Farm remembers...
10. The Mosh Pit Match
WWE has developed a strategy in 2020 of throwing a tagline over some bullsh*t in an attempt to convince you that it isn't bullsh*t.
The Horrow Show!
You'll Never See It Coming!
Climb The Corporate Ladder, even though we've furloughed half of you poor pricks to ensure that we post record profits!
But Paul Heyman started this trend in 2019 in a desperate ploy for ratings. What's ironic is that, if you add up all the hours WWE has spent scrambling for these ideas, that's more than enough time to map the next six months ahead for several talents. But no.
This was Paul Heyman showing his hoary old '90s ar*e in a bid to capture the younger demographic. What do young hip people like, the white boomers in charge of WWE creative asked themselves, before arriving at the answer "Beavis and Butthead, Godsmack, and flame print shirts".
"This" was a 'Mosh Pit' match in which R-Truth made a scheduled defence of the 24/7 Championship. It was a sort of lumberjack match, but the lumberjacks didn't beat up the guy who just got thrown out of the ring. That person (Drake Maverick) crowd-surfed instead.
"Tubular," said the 18-34 demographic, and WWE was saved on that fateful day of July 29, 2019.