10 MORE TERRIBLE Decisions We Have Made As The Authority Of WWE
1. Pushed Shane McMahon To The Moon
We crunched the data.
We scoured the reaches of the Internet, in a market research exercise, to determine who to push as the focal point of WWE programming.
In the process, we happened upon several r/SquaredCircle threads that pointed towards a subjectively inconvenient - but objectively undeniable - truth:
"Shane McMahon sweats for the cause"; "Shane McMahon is hella cool at jumping off sh*t lol"; "Shane McMahon is by default the least odious member of his family, and that makes him good somehow"; "Shane McMahon isn't one of these vanilla midget morons who takes stupid bumps to get over - he starred in the Attitude Era!"
That settles it: we must push Shane McMahon. Strap the rocket to his back; the daft tw*t will jump off the moon, and nearly kill himself, and that is what is good. Under the sacred "You're supposed to hate heels, jackass, that is Wrestling 101" principle held dearly by idiots who don't know what they're talking about, Shane is the new top heel in WWE, and he can get Roman Reigns over...by dominating him for 10 minutes in Saudi Arabia in a regurgitation of an Authority angle which, while well-acted, is not really inspiring.
It is about as rousing as Hulk Hogan's 2018 "Watch what you're saying in private brothers or the brothers will catch you out brothers" locker room speech.