Since Big Dick Johnson was already mentioned, lets just start off with him. Okay, theres subtlety and then theres naming yourself Big Dick Johnson. Wouldnt Big Johnson have been enough? Or how about Dick Johnson? Maybe just Dick? Those would have all worked. I think people would have got the joke. No need to add two euphemisms for a penis together. Even Big Dick Dudley from ECW only had one! Well, WWE isnt known for subtlety, though, which is why there was a Big Dick Johnson. While Johnson didnt compete in any five star matches, or cut any great promos he got to dance around in a thong a few times. More times than necessary anyway. Large men dancing in little clothes seems to be one of Vince McMahons strange fetishes in life. What other reason is there that it keeps happening in some form? Johnson wasnt even a wrestler, he was portrayed by creative team member Chris DeJoseph who now is one of the higher-ups in Lucha Underground. I wonder if it was hard trying to find another job post WWE. Most employers may not be interesting in hiring someone with Big Dick Johnson on their resume.
As Rust Cohle from True Detective said "Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you're good at."
Sadly, I can't solve a murder like Rust...or change a tire, or even tie a tie. But I do know all the lyrics to Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme song and can easily name every Natural Born Thriller from the dying days of WCW. I was once ranked 21st in the United States in Tetris...on the Playstation 3 version...for about a week.
Follow along @AndrewSoucek and check out my podcast at wrestlingwithfriends.com
