10 Quick Fixes For WWE In 2019
1. Bring Back Jobbers
Enhancement talents enhance proper wrestling stars - even years removed from Monday night RAW's turning point, at which the fanbase refused to settle for anything less than two name stars competing in the prime time slot.
Ryback got over by killing two jobbers at once in a showcase of his dumb-f*ck strength. Braun Strowman plunged jobbers, very hilarious jobbers, to their doom with his ridiculous front Chokeslam. Everybody had their own name for these pitiful sacks of sh*t. Growing up in Gateshead, England, the kids high on the WWF settled on "skinny wimps". And that's what's so key, so special, about these most normal-looking of "athletes". Deployed principally to make the stars look like stars through comparison, jobbers tend to occupy the more unfortunate side of the aesthetic scale, too, which adds a blackly comedic component to a ghoulish, all-too rare delight.
Doubtlessly, Lars Sullivan will unleash his might on fellow message board lurkers upon his debut, but WWE should not stop there. Used sparingly as much-needed reprieve from the endless rematches, jobbers, the funnier the better, should return to our screens and splatter themselves on the canvas for the greater good. It's not the mere monster who benefits; smug technicians look like right ar*holes lifting their shoulders up for the pin, too. WWE loves putting heat on heels. So why not accomplish that without incinerating babyfaces?
We've come full circle since January 11, 1993 - and since wrestling is a cyclical industry, it is time to begin anew.