10 Radical Ideas To Save Zack Ryder
5. Have Him Go Bananas
This is the turning point, the fulcrum around which these character tweaks become a full-blown personality transplant. After a month or so of grumpy heelishness, Zack Ryder needs to go crazy: again, like Bob Backlund crazy.
Cutting a promo in the middle of the ring after an irritating loss - let’s say the WWE’s favourite, the distraction roll-up - Ryder starts pacing back and forth, ranting about his treatment and how he’s not going to take it anymore.
It’s the aforementioned ‘kissing babies and rescuing kittens never got me paid, yo’ promo, but twisted and yanked around until it looks like a dumpster fire. He screams
about how he told the world about his childhood cancer and no one gave a handful of cr*p; about how he, Zack Ryder was literally the Make-A-Wish kid that beat cancer and came back to make it to his dream of wrestling for the WWE; and about how Mr. Make-A-Wish himself, John Cena, went and buried him just as he'd won the US title.
He should be raving, as he slags everyone off and attacks Cena: spitting all over the place, beard gone all ragged and crazy. It should look and sound like a meth-addicted hobo threw up on Randy Savage.