10 Stories That Prove Wrestling Is The Wildest Industry EVER
Edge Christian Cage made more sacrifices than a satanic cult to make it...
Pro wrestling is an endlessly fascinating and unregulated travelling circus.
It is premised on make-believe, and, taking outrageous license with that premise, its imagination has manifested in relentless onscreen madness: metal chairs taken directly to the unprotected dome; matches in which so much blood is lost that a transfusion is required; matches in which the combatants are set alight; matches in which the combatants are set alight and that isn't even the finish; matches held in three steel cages at once; matches in which the object is to avoid being devoured by piranhas; matches in which the combatants are exploded; storylines in which men playing childlike figures get the horn for literal big mommy milkers; storylines in which the women were *always* not to be trusted; storylines in which brothers long thought dead return from the grave to avenge the death of their parents even when they actually did it or actually it turns out that the first accused brother did it all along or whatever the f*ck happened at the end of the Undertaker Vs. Kane bullsh*t...
It's an even more deranged business behind the curtain.
The most deranged ever, in fact...
10. The Fact That The Racket Is Ran By An Entity More Toddler Than Man
There are brass-necked hacks and merciless psychopaths in every corridor of power. It's not unusual for such men to rank highly across every pocket of capitalist society.
In this omni-f*cked world, it is actually the norm.
The man who has or had monopolised professional wrestling, however, is a level beyond: Vince McMahon literally has more in common with a toddler than a grown adult human being. Wrestling is the wildest industry ever because much of it is controlled by Boss Baby.
Vince McMahon is wildly temperamental and will change his mind on the most drastic and sudden of whims. Vince McMahon throws the pal out of the pram and blows gaskets like, yes, a big baby. Vince McMahon's mood is dictated by his level of hunger. When Vince McMahon satisfies his hunger, he does so by forcing dry food down his gullet with the lubrication of tomato ketchup, which is how many long-suffering parents convince their literal children to eat.
Vince McMahon is inherently moody and heightened, and so, when he isn't red in the face with pure unbridled fury, he is giving those closest to him "huggies" (his words). Much like the undeveloped minds of youngsters, Vince thinks toilet humour is hysterical. Like kids, Vince despises sleep. Vince McMahon will scream and holler and whine "not fair!" when people do the exact same naughty things he has done. Vince McMahon gets bored of his toys even though he really wanted to play with them just moments before.
Vince McMahon is a child in a suit.