10 Things I Hate About Dolph Ziggler

5. So Much Leaping About

...practically everything Ziggler does in the ring involves throwing his whole body into the air. It's a part of his gimmick by now: the ongoing, obsessive, overselling effort to turn every single move into an opportunity to bump. Ziggler bumps like a kamikaze dodgem car. He bumps even when he doesn't have to bump. I don't know for sure (because, despite all the gossip, I'm not there), but I imagine that he bumps while eating breakfast. Poached egg to the face! As god is my witness, he's broken in half! Look at his jumping DDT. It's a crazy, outlandish thing of beauty to look at, true, but it's also completely ridiculous. Most wrestlers stand there with their opponent bent over in a front facelock and then jump into the air - Ziggler leaps at his opponent to acquire the facelock. It looks great (why isn't that his finish?), but since he starts the move as part of a mid-air attack, he ends it taking a back bump of his own - and he usually does so with such velocity that unless his opponent sells it like death, you can't tell for a second whether Ziggler's hit a jumping DDT or the other guy's hit a spinebuster variation. Actually, that's probably why it's not his finish.
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Contributor

Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.