10 Things I Hate About The Royal Rumble
9. It Eats Up Half The Running Time
The Rumble match itself chews up and spits out a huge amount of the event. In 2012, there were five televised matches before the Rumble, most of which went no longer than a RAW TV match: the WWE Championship bout took runner-up position on the card, allocated just shy of quarter of an hour.
That’s more or less representative of Royal Rumble events over the years: less than half a dozen other matches, some only a few minutes long, and all subordinate to the true main event: a bog standard battle royale with go-faster stripes.
Trouble is, the weird fascination so many fans have with the Rumble tends to forestall most of the complaints that this kind of underbooking usually generates. Criticising the Royal Rumble is like dissing your great-Aunt Phyllis at Christmas. Yes, she’s clumsy, makes very little sense and will probably sh*t the bed before the night is through… but c’mon man, it’s the holidays!
That doesn’t change the fact that the Royal Rumble is headlined by a one-trick-pony number one contenders match with delusions of grandeur. Somehow, the Rumble became one of the Big Four pay-per-views that helped cement the WWF’s position in the burgeoning marketplace back in the day, despite the fact that the event’s card is anemic and the match itself an awkward clusterf*ck with little to no redeeming qualities as a piece of entertainment.