10 Things I Hate About The Royal Rumble
7. The Rumble Winner Is Practically A Foregone Conclusion
For a man who likes to pride himself on taking risks, Vince McMahon loves nothing better than a safe pair of hands. Since the winner of the Rumble is the main event at WrestleMania, that means that, nine times out of ten, you can predict the finish of the Royal Rumble match with almost pinpoint accuracy.
While occasionally the company's booking and writing teams will throw us a curveball - a ringer in the final four, or an unexpected wrestling legend or spoiler character entering late in proceedings - it's far more likely that you'll be able to predict the winner and at least two runners up a month or more in advance.
There may have been a small child somewhere, naïve and vulnerable, who didn’t know that Triple H was winning last year, that Reigns was winning in 2015, Batista in 2014 or Cena in 2013. May that child never grow old and know the kind of weary cynicism that we do.
You might cite Alberto Del Rio’s surprise victory in 2011 and Sheamus’ unexpected win in 2012 as evidence that WWE can keep us guessing… but of course, between 2011 and 2013 the company was committed to sacrificing everything to the altar of Cena vs. The Rock, and nothing was off limits. In 2011 and 2012, the Rumble winner was sidelined to the far less prestigious World Heavyweight Championship, and both bouts opened the big show rather than headlining; in 2013, both the WWE Championship and the Royal Rumble win were handed to the Cena/Rock spectacle to give their long-running feud some special sauce.
When you can correctly guess the finish of the Rumble based upon what you’ve heard the main event of WrestleMania is likely to be, it's considerably less thrilling to watch. It’s a coronation, disguised as a number one contenders match: WWE does them all the time, but never as blatantly as in the Rumble.