10 Things I Hate About The Royal Rumble
5. It’s A Waste Of A Golden Storytelling Opportunity
It’s unlikely to have escaped anyone’s attention, but… there’s no wrestling in this wrestling match. For an hour every January, thirty or so men enter a twenty by twenty ring in a staggered line to punch-kick-punch-kick each other in increasingly laboured ways until it’s their cue to leap like a salmon to the floor.
It’s not just the lacklustre performances, though - this is a massive battle royale, so no one’s expecting a technical masterclass. No, the Rumble is a classic example of another one of the WWE’s wasted storytelling opportunities.
Forget the winner and his golden ticket for a moment. The Rumble match is unique in the WWE calendar, especially in these post-brand split days, in that all these performers who never normally co-exist find themselves sharing a ring... in a match that everyone and their monkey is watching. The possibilities are potentially gamechanging… yet rarely does the match deliver anything more than a slight tease.
Think about it: this is an opportunity to kickstart new angles, to hint at new feuds, to check out potential chemistry between performers that just don’t get to work together. Thirty or so men in one match, heels and babyfaces, multiple members of factions and tag teams, old enemies and new friends, all pitted against one another. Given the right creative, the Rumble could go anywhere… which is why it’s such a shame that it only ever goes the one way.
Very rarely does the Rumble fulfill the storytelling possibilities hinted at in its format, and as previously discussed, lower and mid card wrestlers are always shortchanged by the gap between the main event and everyone else. After all, there has to be some poor jobber or three for Goldberg to fling over the top rope to 'make a statement', even if that poor jobber is a tag team champion or an Intercontinental Championship contender.